dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
