i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
