'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
