Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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