Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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