Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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