We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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