im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
