Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
