Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
