Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
