Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
