Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
