I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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