so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two words: blizzard sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
