Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
