if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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