I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
