So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
