Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
