I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
