i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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