i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
