so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
