I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
