Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
