just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize