I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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