but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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