i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
