Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
