Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
