You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
