I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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