PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
