then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
