That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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