I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
