doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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