when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
