i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So apparently I’m into choking now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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