So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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