Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
