Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
