Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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