It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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