It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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