It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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