Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
