Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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