Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
