onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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