and she was petting her beer can
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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