There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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