yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
