well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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