Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
