Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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