My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
