Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
