This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're a waste of cheezeits
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
