My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
