sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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