My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
