There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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