Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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