Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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