I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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