Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
